The Importance of Being Reserved

The Importance of Being Reserved

A key to better understanding your surroundings

 

 

    For those who know me, they will tell you that I am extremely quiet and well reserved. I don't converse as much as the next person whenever I am in a social gathering. Well, there is a reason why I am that way. In fact, that part of my personality didn't change overnight. This was a long progression that I felt was an imperative part of my personal growth. However, aside from the benefits of having to take on this trait, there are some negative aspects as well.

    The change in my behavior started when I was in elementary school. As a young child, I had grown to be more observant of my surroundings. While my peers were running around on the playground, I was watching their social behavior and demeanor. I was analyzing their behavior and speech patterns. It was like I was Charles Darwin observing the animals on the Galapagos Islands. What I had seen was that in a typical fashion, especially at a young age, you are learning to express yourself in hopes that you become part of a popular social standing. There are quite a few of them, some are just bigger than others. You can classify them as either clubs, gangs or perhaps just a small group of friends in the same autonomous collective, depending on their attitude and philosophical viewpoints. Now pretty much everyone sees this behavior and acknowledges it. I am not saying I was the only one doing this, however, I would take it to the next level.

  When I got older, specifically when I was in the fourth grade, in music class we were supposed to bring in a song to play for everyone to listen to and analyze. I was fortunate enough to be introduced to a Rush album called "Grace Under Pressure" by my mom. Little did she know at the time that the album was going to open doors that helped mold me and turn me into who I am today. On that album was a track called "Kid Gloves". When I listened to it, it made a lot of sense. The author of the lyric, Neil Peart, was helping me better understand an issue I was currently dealing with. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own beliefs and we all handle them in different ways. You have to be careful when it comes to what you say or do around people because their reaction can either be a good one or a bad one. The world tends to be a popularity contest and we can easily fall victim to the desire to be liked, regardless of the consequences. I couldn't wait to share it with my classmates. I wanted them to learn what I have. Unfortunately, they did not care about the song, lyric or the name of the band for that matter. Instead, I was met with ridicule in just about every way possible. I would start to see a pattern forming as time went by.

    Human behavior is fascinating, but it is really no different than any other animal's behavior, whether the animal has become domesticated or resides out in the wild. In fact, the best way I like to describe being human is by saying "As human beings, we are merely animals with a complex brain." Although we pride ourselves on being on top of the food chain, we really are no better than any other species. You see this as definitive proof whenever you venture out into the world and socialize with other people. You even see it on social media. Some people are civilized whereas others are abrasive and obtuse. I believe that because it is too easy to fall victim to the "Pleasure Principle" when we are children and if we are not given proper guidance, then there is a great chance we will turn into Hedonists. However, if someone did not get the proper guidance in their upbringing and their will is strong enough, they can teach himself or herself to be civilized. However, that kind of quality in a person is rare nowadays. 

    I have always been a fan of Teddy Roosevelt's philosophy, "Speak softly and carry a big stick". I feel being witty and clever is far better than resorting to any kind of physical retaliation. Some people are ready for a fight. They will push you until you give unto their will. They will say or do anything to get a rise out of you. I found that if you don't say anything and just stare them down, they will back down out of confusion or awkwardness. They may try to attack you a few more times, later on, however, they will eventually grow tired and move on.  I would recommend you ask them what their issue really is, but most people who readily attack in such manners are too stand-offish and headstrong to give you the exact reasoning behind their confrontation. In rare cases, a fight with an enemy turns into a lifelong friendship.   It really is sad in some ways and entertaining in others. The important thing to remember is to not back down while doing this. Remain stoic the whole time. While reading this, did you envision yourself watching a documentary on animal dominance on the television? If not, that is ok. But you will now because as I stated before, people tend to act like animals and sometimes they have to be treated as such. Just like animals, people act out to show dominance and to gain respect within their community. When people act like animals I like to refer to it as the "Inhumane Condition" or an "Anthropoidian Slip". In any case, I learned that if I keep my mouth shut, whatever the situation, I get the following results:

1. When in a confrontation, the antagonizer will run his or her mouth until they get tired.
2. When in a confrontation, the antagonizer will become confused and eventually walk away.
3. When in a confrontation, the antagonizer will physically strike in hopes to instill dominance but will actually walk away with maybe a few cheers and a dented ego.  However, he or she still falls victim to the same pattern that plagues what they feel is their existential purpose of being.
4. Eventually, I am perceived as misunderstood and ignored entirely (Hey, less drama for me).
5. I am easily capable of seeing and understanding my surroundings, especially when around other people.
6. Best case scenario, I am perceived as a really good listener.

 

    Although in most situations being reserved and keeping your mouth shut has its benefits, there are times where it affects you in negative ways. For example:

1. People aren't sure what you are thinking, therefore they start to worry that you are judging them harshly or you are planning an attack (People tend to fear the unknown).
2. You might come off like you are better than everyone else. Everyone wants to feel important and really smart. If someone feels intimidated in any way, that person starts to show aggression.
3. In social gatherings, you have the least say when a choice is being made. Sometimes you are not even a part of the decision making process.

    For me, the benefits outweigh the cost. Being reserved helps me more often whenever I am in social situations or whenever I am out and about dealing with the drudges of humanity. There is also the fact that I have gotten older and I learned to have more patience. Don't get me wrong, I still get angry or upset, I am just better able to handle it now that I have had time to practice. Remember this, it is better and easier in most cases to just let people be the talkers in the room. Me personally, I am entertained by their stories and as I said before, I end up becoming known as a good listener. People just naturally want to be heard, which is understandable. We live in a world where it is easier to communicate with others and yet we are still distant, even when we are standing next to someone. Also, social media platforms have allowed us to express ourselves more freely, but it still comes with a price and we have to learn how to deal with the negative responses. You can either act civilized or you can act like an animal but you cannot act like both.