When Everyone’s in Their Own World — and You’re Not Invited

 It’s a strange feeling, talking to someone and realizing they’re not really there. Their eyes might be on you, but their mind is orbiting Planet Me — charting internal monologues, rehearsing their next line, or running the ever-important “How does this affect me?” calculation.

In modern life, this has become a quiet epidemic. People are so wrapped in their own heads, their own world, their own “main character” script, that they don’t really hear anyone else. And when you’ve lived through relationships where that’s the norm, the silence on your end starts to feel louder than any conversation.

Why It Happens

There are three main reasons people don’t listen — and they’re not mutually exclusive:

1. They can’t.
   Some folks simply lack the emotional skillset to step outside themselves. They’ve never learned to listen beyond their own experiences. Empathy is a foreign language, and they’re not even trying Duolingo.

2. They won’t.
   Listening risks changing their story. And if their identity, image, or comfort relies on keeping certain truths out, your reality becomes a threat. It’s easier for them to dismiss, minimize, or talk over you than to integrate what you’re saying.

3. They’d have to work for it.
   Real listening requires you to put your own narrative in park, and for some, that’s just too much effort — especially if they’ve been conditioned to prioritize their own goals, control, or public image.

The Personal Toll

Growing up or working with people like this can quietly shape you. You may start to believe your voice doesn’t matter. You might edit yourself mid-sentence. You might retreat into silence because every attempt to speak feels like tossing a paper airplane into a hurricane.

In my case, I’ve been around people — siblings, parents, colleagues — who didn’t just fail to listen, they actively curated a version of reality where my perspective didn’t exist. Conversations became one-sided broadcasts. Emotional needs became inconveniences. Even accomplishments became invisible unless they could be repackaged into someone else’s story.

The cost?

• Hyper-vigilance — scanning for when it’s “safe” to speak.

• Self-erasure — muting your own voice to avoid conflict or dismissal.

• Chronic exhaustion — because bending around other people’s emotional blind spots is work.

The Wider Picture

This isn’t just about family dynamics or bad bosses. The “self-world” problem is a cultural one. Social media reinforces it — everyone’s curating their own story, their own brand. The attention economy rewards broadcasting, not listening. And we’re all subtly learning that the world is here to receive us, not engage with us.

Protecting Your Voice

You can’t control whether people listen, but you can control where your words go. Some strategies:

• Spot the tells early — are they interrupting, hijacking, or redirecting? That’s a red flag.

• Invest in the listeners — the people who pause, ask follow-up questions, and stay with you in your words.

• Stop throwing pearls into quicksand — if someone has proven they won’t listen, don’t keep testing the theory.

• Document your truth — in journals, creative work, or private reflections. It keeps your voice real even when others try to erase it.

Because here’s the thing — people living in their own world often think they’re the center of the universe. But you have your own universe too, and it’s worth protecting, narrating, and expanding on your terms.

And if someone can’t step into it? Well, they can just keep orbiting themselves. You’ve got galaxies to build.